uncomfortable places

sit with me. bend of ivy lodge, north carolina, usa

even as i learn to love myself wholly and unconditionally, there are uncomfortable places inside me that, on some days, i just don’t like very much.

recently a treasured friend of mine gave me a very precious gift. she offered me some words she thought might help. they were about releasing the wanting to be someone other than who i am.

so today, even if just for a moment, i choose to sit with myself & embrace those uncomfortable places…

i sit, with love, giving myself permission to accept in this moment, the part/s of me:

where i know what i need to do and how and i still don’t do it
where the lesson seems too hard
where i don’t ever feel like i’m going to find my way
where i fall back into hiding after showing myself my light
where i want to feel brave, yet feel tiny and overwhelmed
where i want to commit, yet something holds me back
where joy would reside, if i released the anger
where i feel i don’t belong anywhere
where i feel insignificant
where i want so desperately to be part of the group and i feel like i’m not invited
where i’m too afraid to ask, for fear the answer will be no
where i feel like i need to be part of the group at all
that want to try something new, and hesitate, for fear of failure
that rushes around, fearful of sitting, taking the time, to just BE with myself (what on earth am i afraid i might find?)
where i believe my story doesn’t matter
where i feel like i’ve nothing valuable to contribute so keep quiet

today, just for this moment, i embrace all of these uncomfortable places…
without DOing anything, or trying to CHANGE, JUDGE or FIX anything…
just embracing them for what they are.

i sit, feeling all of them and claim them as a part of me. i recognise that, even with these uncomfortable bits – in fact, because of these uncomfortable bits – i am the best possible example of myself that i can be right now.

how about your uncomfortable places?
do they need some love, some non-judgement & acceptance as being part of the beautiful uniqueness of YOU?

manual vs. auto

post-floral

inspired by other photographers, who look at life in minute detail through the viewfinder of their cameras, i have long been dreaming of having some way of shooting in macro. on a mission in london to find spools for my vintage kodak brownie, i came across a shop run by guys who know stuff about cameras and photography.

i had a fantastic discussion with old camera shop guy about macro lenses and was advised by him to go for macro rings, rather than a specific macro lens, because i can fit them to the camera with any of my other lenses. this man’s logic made sense to me.

next to ponder – do i go auto (for £150), or manual (for £6 from amazon).

the difference (besides the price) between them is simple:

1. full auto contains all the wiring required for the camera to talk through the rings to the lens. this means that anytime i need to adjust something (ISO etc), it’s the same as any other time
2. manual contains no wiring. every time i need to adjust the settings, it means removing the macro rings, plugging the lens back in, changing the settings, taking the lens off, putting the macro rings and then the lens back on. there’s no auto focus here either, it’s manual all the way…

i decided to get the manual set first; try them out for a bit to see whether or not i can justify spending the money on a full auto set.

and i’ve discovered that i like them… having the rings between the camera and the lens has forced me to think about my subject. what the light is like, how close i want to get (how many rings to use), where to shoot from to get the best shot.

bluebells, kew gardens

this post includes a couple of my favourite shots using the macro rings attached.

i generally shoot using my 50mm prime f/1.8 II, though i have also used the rings with a 70-300mm f/4.0-5.6 USM lens with surprising results.

as far as 1st dates go…

the fabulous floor at high road house brasserie, chiswick {polaroid}

as far as 1st dates go…

sas rated it a 9/10 and i agree with her.

she’s a gorgeous, open, sassy kiwi chick whose company is delightful and i had the best time lunching with her at her local, the high road house brasserie. fabulous food and fine company. the perfect sunday lunch.

labour and wait

i bought a fascinating book recently called the independent london store guide. it’s got lots of lovely quirky stores in it, with details of who they are and how to find them. i love it because it entices me to explore london on foot, get off the high street (not that i go there much anyway), and into quiet little side streets often overlooked.

one such place was on my adventure list yesterday. labour and wait do have an online store, though the pictures of their shop had me itching to go in and have a look around it in person.

thanks to the lovely shop dudes, they even let me take a photo… so i whipped out my polaroid, which led to a fabulous discussion about film and our shared love for old skool. they even gave me the name of a new source for film!

the shop did not disappoint. it’s filled to the brim with lovely homewares and other goodies based on timeless and traditional design suitable for any home. definitely worth a look for anyone like me who is addicted to beautiful homewares, and it’s near brick lane, so being that one is already in the locale, it’s a great opportunity to check out the amazing array of retro clothing stores and fantastic cheap curry houses.

sunshine

(in response to the four)

francesca woodman {1958-1981}

i am fortunate to have the tate modern an easy 5 minute walk from where i work. it’s a great way in which to provide myself with a creative interlude during the course of my working day.

self-deceit #1 (1977-1978) – francesca woodman

one of the artists whose work was showing there really spoke to me in a raw and captivating way. francesca woodman’s black & white photos were often of herself and i find them quite haunting. why i find them so unforgettable isn’t clear to me; perhaps because they evoke emotions in me that need to be explored a little further.

space #2 (1975-1975) – francesca woodman

apparently they were all taken pre-digital era with a yashica twin-lens camera. she had a very short life, committing suicide at the age of 22 in new york.

it must be time for lunch now (1979) – francesca woodman

there are various pages around the internet dedicated to her, though i couldn’t find one comprehensive site. she also produced an amazing book of her work, which i am coveting.

postcards from bristol

so, me and husband are both big banksy fans. and when we heard that he had an exhibition on his hometown of bristol, we thought we’d better check it out.

we got up early and caught the train over, arrived about midday and stood in a queue for about 45 minutes to enter the museum. it was quite definitely worth the wait. the crowds were massive and it took a bit of patience to get a clear shot of anything on the ground floor. a lot of shots, like this one, just required me to stand and wait for a few minutes and be ready to shoot quickly!

there was stuff hidden in parts of every floor of the museum and it was like playing some weird game of treasure hunt.

we found an interesting exhibit in with the fine bone china

a silent lamb

and a fascinating specimen in the stalagtite and stalagmite display

there was a whole room full of animations, including a disturbing tweety bird, that blinked slowly

a mother cctv and her babies

and a gorilla contemplating his painting, whose face moved so subtly that i didn’t notice it at first (i wonder how many other people wandered by without noticing the expressions)

fantastic day out. people of england, if you love bansky, you’re gonna love this.
more photos up on flickr of course

crush

mega mega. photo taken by me at borough market today with my iphone

i’ve got a mega mega crush on lisa wiseman.

her photographs are simple and exquisite.

she’s written a book which i am coveting, and

i am in so much love with her definiton of the new polaroid that i am inspired to try some of my own (see above).

the new polaroid

becuase the iphone is becoming a ubiquitous and trendy accessory, on-the-go picture taking is now the norm. i see people using their iphones to take spontaneous photos in the same carefree way that cheap polaroid has been used in the past. in concept and ideaology the iphone mimics polaroid, however it pushes the aesthetic forward by utilizing a new non-film (but technologically infantile) medium. just like traditional polaroids had a specific size and unique look, iphone photos are unmistakeable because the technology limits them to a fixed size and resolution and imbues them with a unique chromatic aberration that says iphone and nothing else.

i love the new polaroid.

- lisa wiseman | www.lisawiseman.com

standing on the edge of the world

standing on the edge of the world

self promotion
never been one for it, since as long as i can remember… i find it really difficult to sell myself to anyone for anything.

recently i’ve been quietly setting up an etsy shop… still playing around with ideas, trying to find things that work financially for me that also might speak to others who visit.

i believe everyone’s life is a journey.
my life is a journey. mine has been documented with photos; more than some and less than others. some of what i have seen or experienced on my journey will be available in my store.

and, if anyone wants them (and they’re not in my store), flickr photos will be available for purchase too.

here endeth the self promotion for a while (nic made me do it)
* please do visit my little shop: thejourney.etsy.com.

i would treasure your feedback and critique