in conversation


photo by my beautiful friend darlene

i’ve been thinking over the past couple of days about how easy it is for me to see so much good and potential and promise in others – the friends dear to me as well as colleagues & passing acquaintances. i find it easy to offer encouraging words to remind others of the good that they are and that they do.

it is easy for me to speak from my deepest knowing to a friend; to speak the truth of who she is and what she is capable of. i often also find that my eyes will soulfully communicate with hers, which often has a more powerful transmission than anything i could give voice to.

yet, like many women i know, i find it hard to say these things to myself. i find it hard to speak to myself from my deepest knowing of the beauty and the value that i also have. and sometimes (well, most times for me), it’s not actually something i would be able to verbalise anyway… it’s more of a feeling, a knowing, a deep recognition on a cellular level, than anything i can ever speak. it’s showing up in the mirror, meeting myself in my reflection and having a conversation with myself through my eyes rather than by using my voice.

i often feel frustrated at not being able to fully communicate through words what it is that i feel and really want to say. there are a number of people who write so deeply with words that really resonate with me and i often wonder why it is that i am unable to string my thoughts and feelings together in such a beautiful and engaging manner. very often, even thanking them for their words feels impossible to ever communicate in any meaningful way.

and it feels like this wordless conversation has been going on for me my whole life.

in fact, in a lot of my poetry there’s a common thread of feeling like words are ‘stuck in my throat’ – wanting to get out somehow, yet i never really feel like what i want to say could ever be spoken coherently. even now as i sit here writing, i can feel a tightness in my throat, like there’s something stuck there that wants to be spoken that is unable to come out.

so, right now, i sit here again frustrated… not because i can’t get my message across to you, but because i feel currently unable to have the conversation with myself that i truly desire.

between the folds

between the folds

she bravely scrapes dust from her hard outer shell,
showing celadon layers of softness and grace,
between comforting folds live both laughter & sorrow,
bonded together as inseparable friends.
she’s come a long way to be here in this moment,
and her journey’s a long way from reaching it’s end…
the friendships she gathers down wandering pathways
add shine to this garment she wears of her life.
she is learning that stillness is as essential as action;
that silence belongs here as much as the words,
every death to the old speaks a new YES to life,
fuels the fires of desire for living her truth.
deep in the folds, there’s a wellspring, a knowing, and
she’s learning to let go, and trust in the process -
deep in the folds is where healing commences,
her own sacred medicine the best balm for her soul.

© 2009 leonie faith wise

(inspired by my life, this community , and these words)

dv09-13

dv09-13
turkey and stuffing flavour, festive crisps. canon 400d, 50mm f/1.8 II

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bar stools. canon 400d, 50mm f/1.8 II

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old school & new school cool. polaroid sun 600, iphones, canon 400d

{ for darlene’s december views }

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today’s photos are for a very special friend of mine who is going through a rough time. i’m wishing i was home in new zealand right now, so i could be by her side, holding her hand.

♥

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the w4 picnic on top of a bunker in strathmore watching the sunset.
wellington, new zealand. april.2007

madness and laughter
madness & laughter in equal quantities.
pakawau beach, golden bay, new zealand. jan.2007

both from the archives. shot with a panasonic DMC-TZ1

{ for darlene’s december views }

A book drop in Copenhagen (guest post from Mr Postcards From)

So, Leonie had offered to leave a few of Swirly Girl’s books in various places around the world, as we travel thru it – specifically the Algarve in Portugal, Iceland (over New Years) and Copenhagen in Denmark. As I was off to Copenhagen for work, I offered to leave one there.

Copenhagen is a lovely city, at least for me. I find it to be clean and interesting, the people are lovely, and the weather is usually nice. It also helps that we have friends there, so it’s an easy decision to go.

The night I had free to do the book drop was a very cold, very dark and almost snowing one. I headed up from the hotel to try to find some dinner around the middle of town. One of the main attractions in Copenhagen (so I’m told) is a theme park called Tivoli, tho the Danish pronounce it Tuuli. It’s a very old (1843) amusement park, or some parts are – a lot of the rides are very new, but have the look and feel of being 150 years old. It’s rather cool.

Tivoli Lights

Tivoli Lights

Amusement parks are not something I’m particularly big on, especially when I’m on my own – they are much more fun in a group. But I had a walk around, intending to find somewhere to leave the book. It seemed like a nice place to leave it – lots of people, cool theme, nice place for a photo op etc, but I couldn’t find a suitable spot for it. There were basically too many people around, and no where I could find was, in my mind, suitable.

And that was the problem: “Nowhere suitable”. What the hell WAS “suitable” anyway?

I continued to walk around Tivoli, taking in the lights (and trying not to get rained/snowed on). Eventually, with a growling stomach, I headed out to find some dinner – and somewhere “suitable” to leave the book. I headed up the road a bit to find out if the big ball thing in the main town square was a good spot. On getting there, I found it was mostly a construction site and the big ball was for the climate conference. Or rather, for some corporations promotion of their “green” products.

Side rant: Almost every billboard I saw, especially in the airport, was some company pushing “hey, be green using us”. Problem is, a lot of them are causing the problems – eg car companies, oil companies, travel companies and airlines, and the likes of Coke. Maybe they should have just said “keep consuming our products, you sheep, we hope that the inevitable climate change doesn’t stop you buying more of our crap”. But I digress.

Eventually, I found what I thought was a “good enough” spot – on the plinth of a statue, right by a bus stop and a cross walk, on Hans Christen Anderson Boulevard. Oddly, given how much I use Google Maps, about 20m from the spot that Google Maps considers to be “copenhagen” if you search for it.

Book drop - close up

Book drop – close up

Book drop - from over the road

Book drop – from over the road

Sadly, it was dark and my iphone doens’t have a fantastic camera, but you can see where it was left. Also keep in mind – especially those in the southern hemisphere enjoying summer – that it was only about 7pm, but it had been dark for around 4 hours already.

So, it was fun being part of the project, but the pressure to find that “somewhere suitable” was quite hard. I hope someone found it and enjoyed it.

– Nic, aka Mr Postcards From.

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