halfway through and almost done

we are halfway through december and almost done with the year. there are currently 16 blog posts sitting in my drafts folder from this year, all of them abandoned halfway through or almost done. i joke to colleagues about calling our home the museum of unfinished projects because i have so many creative projects trapped in the liminal space between started and almost done in our physical space too. my intention is to bring my attention to these, now, and in the coming year. making space to return to them with the energy and focus they deserve, bringing them to completion or letting them go.

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so many things have changed this year. internal landscapes have shifted. we have talked about, and experienced loss, as have our friends. work has been exhausting. and rewarding. friends have returned from faraway places bringing new conversations and new family members, while other friendships have become untethered across oceans of silence. taking risks with being truly seen has happened through brave conversations face-to-face. there have been new tattoos and old habits, decisions made that keep us close to our dreams. there has been rest, balanced with yes.

we travel. we stay home. i visit family i haven’t seen for years. i stay up late, looking at the stars and wake in the mornings before the sun. i am constantly in love with mystery. and how amazing the universe is. i stop and wonder at natural inventions and human inventions, pausing between here and there to be fully now. i am rewarded with glimpses of how peaceful life can be when i get out of my own way.

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i have a week in the presence of david whyte, the realisation of a decades-long dream. i spend it in deep thought, and with new companions. i spend time conversing with my beautiful but disturbing questions. during the week david tossed out poems and considerations that nudged me in the direction of my own life. his words have me contemplating who i am practising at becoming, wondering what frontiers between what is me and what is not me i still have to encounter. i return home half a shade braver after travelling with my new friends.

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i keep a list of small pleasures tucked away in my heart:

• skype chats
• group messages
• a subtle shift in our diet
• the ways my body is learning to move
• quiet light
• the dawn chorus
• handwritten conversations with a friend
• a podcast
• a weekly list
• sleeping with the doors open
• the foodlovers club
• ocean swimming

pondering… what are the elements of a deeply fulfilling life that i need have i neglected, abandoned, or overlooked? how can i gather these in to my daily practises in the new year? 

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i wonder what will become of this small space on the internet in 2019. i wonder if there is a place for words amongst all the instant-messaging places in the world. i don’t care about building a “personal brand” or monetising my blog. i don’t care about sponsored posts, or cross-posting, or anything but showing up. if a blogger writes a post and nobody reads it, does it actually exist?

i wonder who will come here next year, or if anyone is even reading these posts at all anymore. so, if you’re reading and you want to say hello, i would love to know what’s on your mind right now.

happy and safe holidays to you all. i hope your new year is the best one yet