solstice // first light. it’s raining. again. a thunderous drumming on the roof above me. it’s not the getting wet that prevents me rising from my warm bed to meet others for a morning swim. it’s knowing that the tide is in, and the stream that meets the sea where they’ll be taking a dip is the most polluted one on the island. that, and the sound of nic snoring beside me. i roll back over and wade into the ocean of the book i’m reading instead, letting it gently tug me deeper into its characters lives.
we swim at lunchtime instead. throwing ourselves into the cold, rolling waves. it’s too cold to stay in long. the tumult of the waves depositing sand beneath my togs, even after this brief encounter. i am grateful for the privilege of a hot shower.
this winter for me is a time of quiet and dormancy. fallow and introspective. seasonal practices include baking seeded crackers, making bone and vege broth from scraps, fire and candle light, blankets and books. walks in the light of the winter sun and swims in the chilly sea. making a few favourite recipes on repeat, and experimenting with new ones. i choose not to decorate these winter silences, electing instead to observe the rain, the birds, the quiet passing of my breath in and out.
determined rays of winter light intermittently poke through the dark and rainy skies. every small divergence is welcome. though we rely on the rain to fill our water tanks, too much rain leaves our garden sodden and saturated, unable to absorb any more. everything underfoot is squelchy, thick muddy clay clinging to our shoes, drafting patterns through the terrain, altering the topography every time there’s another downpour.
contemplating the career choices that have brought me here, i have time to consider what comes next. increasingly drawn to serve my local community in some way, yet caught between love and fear. love for service. fear that this liminal space i am presently in will reduce my chances of being selected for more tech-related work when i am ready for it. i want to feel that there has been some progress in my evolution. that all the effort, learning, introspection and integration, will yield something that nourishes me. that hustle culture is behind me, but that i can also show up, get shit done when i need to.