self-portrait, yesterday
swirling thoughts, little remnants from slumber, waking early, with a head full of to-do’s and what-if’s – all of these things feeding into my current status anxiety.
sas wrote beautifully about sacred responsibility recently; about all the tiny choices she made that have got her to where she is now. her eloquence, vulnerability and willingness to be honest with herself are little lights that comfort me and whisper “keep going”.
though i know this is right where i need to be and that my own little tiny choices have led me to here, there’s still a bit of niggling anxiety:
- is my service, moving back to my homeland in order to tend & nurture a small piece of land, truly enough?
- how can i continue to nurture my own growth as i tend to the gardens and care for my husband?
- how will i deal with not being able to hide when “I am wallowing in the mud-pool that is conscious incompetence” … on the days when there’s blight in the garden, or an aphid infestation, or i don’t know the answer to my current small-holding problem?
i have been known to give up on things when they get “too hard”, to run away and hide rather than making friends with my fears. even if there will be times i want to give up, it feels like it really is time to embrace my own conscious choice; to stay open, and saying yes, to what is next.
and, with friends like Sas and Lisa lighting the way, it makes me braver and more willing to.
i am winded, unsure,
and willing.
– lisa field-elliot
Hhhhhhhmm, (sigh!) someone else is thinking what I’m thinking…perhaps we are all the same I this respect? At least those who strive to be more …you always find the best way to say things even if you don’t say the out loud. These are our private conversations with ourselves, so hard to come to terms with and face with confidence. We press on fearfully but courageously believing we will become. And we will. Faith (your middle name) is substantiating things hoped for and bringing into evidence things not yet seen.. It is our calling to step out and become, to evidence what we envision, to hope that we can become beneficial to someone else and significant in our time. The only thing we can do is take each step, one after the other and believe… (By the way you do make a huge difference wherever you are. You communicate with courage and insight, stay on the path I’m right behind you :-))
Only one way to find out – embrace and discover the answer!
Being inspired by those who have walked the path before me (sacred whispers) helps me to keep going when the going gets tough (that and the quiet whispers inside!)
so very true to embrace and discover the answer – life is one giant experiment after all.
sacred whispers – i like that.